Throughout the years, I’ve found that the best motivation for donations lies in making me do terrible things. Most often, this comes in the form of terrible booze concoctions every $500, but there also has to be larger, overarching goal that I have to carry with me for a while.

Here’s the example from last year to “celebrate” hitting the $5,000 mark:

Yes. Full pornstache. For the kids, obviously

This year, I am again pushing to raise more money. More money means higher stakes. I’m happy (well, mostly) to announce a couple major milestone “incentives” for 2019.

$6,000 Goal: Chest Waxed Live on Stream

I’ve been asking for my wife to join me in some way on stream the past few years. She was far too excited to give this as the suggestion. I am a fool for leaving everything on the table.

So yes, Mrs. Tex will join me on stream when this goal is hit. It will be live and I will immediately regret the decision when it happens.

$10,000 Total Raised: 10,000 Needles Cocktail

Did you know that I’m currently $1,368.98 away from raising $10,000 for Extra Life? That’s quite an achievement, especially considering that this is only my fourth year.

Did you further know that there is actually a cocktail served in Las Vegas, specifically the Wynn’s XS Nightclub, called the Ono that costs $10,000 to purchase?

Of course, that cocktail actually sounds pretty tasty. Clearly, I can’t do that. So let’s go down the list of ingredients and make this incredibly crappy and offensive to my taste buds:

  • Rémy Martin Louis XVIII Black Pearl Cognac – This cognac retails at over $2,000 per shot so yeah, we’re just gonna use something slightly cheaper.
  • Apricot Puree – I’m not pureeing anything for a terrible drink. Believe it or not, a drink from last year, Serrice Ice Brandy, actually called for apricot flavored brandy. We couldn’t find any, so we have peach brandy in the house. Guess what I’m using!
  • Charles Heidsieck 1981 Champagne Charlie – This champagne retails at $500 per bottle. NOPE! Cheap bubbly it is.
  • Rose Nectar – To quote the Eater description, “the Sence Rose Nectar the XS adds to the Ono is a syrup made from Kazanlak roses harvested in a three-week period from central Bulgaria.” I don’t even know what that means, much less how to replicate. Since I need cheap champagne too, let’s just fulfill this with some André Rosé. Fancy!
  • Fresh-Squeezed Orange Juice – Yeah, whatever’s in my fridge is going in here.

Of course, if I’m going to call this thing 10,000 needles (for more reasons than I’m a Final Fantasy fan), I need to get something to kick it up a notch. With that in mind, I turned to the Scoville scale, aka the spicy meter, and found out that a hot sauce I have is in the 10,000 range, El Yucateco XXXtra Hot Habanero. Perfect!

With that in mind, here comes the pain, served in a champagne glass:

10,000 Needles

  • 1.5 oz Peach Brandy
  • 0.5 oz Orange Juice
  • Fill glass with André Rosé
  • Four Dashes (one for each year) El Yucateco XXXtra Hot Habanero

Stay tuned for more news of the terrible drinks that I will consume every $500!

Published by NDtex

Texan by birth, Irish by choice.

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